Everyone in the world has at least one fear. Some are minor, some are considered phobias, and some are completely debilitating and cause anxiety. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the things that scare me. There are concrete things that many people are afraid of like bugs, heights, small spaces, and clowns. I happen to hate bugs/spiders and clowns enough to run away and/or scream whenever I see these things. Yes, I know it's just a harmless little crawly thing and a man with a crap-load of face paint on, but seriously...creepy. Aside from those common fears, there are the more abstract things that scare people. Being alone, having no friends, being financially unstable, being unhappy, losing people you love; these are all things that many people fear will happen to them.
Losing the people I love is a fear that haunts my thoughts often. Life is just so short and unpredictable. Notable shootings are practically a regular occurrence now. Car accidents occur all too often for varying reasons; drunk drivers, texting while driving, slippery road conditions, people trying to multitask while driving. Sickness takes people's lives every minute of every day. The fact that I'm a nursing student may contribute to this because I see and hear about the tragedies that take people away from their loved ones all the time. Just the other day I had a patient who told me that she lost her boyfriend in a car accident in the 90's. A girl I met (only once) died when her car veered off the road and into a pond just 3 months after I'd met her. She was the same age as me. There was a shooting at a restaurant 4 blocks from my Milwaukee apartment back in December. All of these things scare me so much. What if that was me? What if my I lost my boyfriend to an accident? What if my parents get sick? I know you're not supposed to let the "what ifs" control your life, and I try not to. However, they definitely affect how I see the world and how I interact with the people in my life.
Another fear I have is that I'll be lost in life. A well-known line from The Fellowship of the Ring, by J.R.R. Tolkien is, "Not all those who wander are lost." I've been somewhat of a wanderer during my life. Not necessarily geographically (I haven't traveled nearly as much as I'd like to), but with experiences. I do my best to try everything once. How can you discover new things and new places and new people that could benefit your life if you never try anything new? I've tried pretty much every major sport there is, I suck at all of them but that's beside the point. I'm usually willing to try new foods unless it's something very sketchy looking (i.e. caviar, I've heard it pops in your mouth...ew). Just like most people, I've been through my fair share of phases and trends. Wandering and trying things out is definitely a good way to figure out exactly who you are. My fear, however, is not that I'll lose myself. My fear is that I'll lose my way and my happiness. At this point, the feeling I have towards my future career is hatred. I've damaged my relationship with my parents over the last few years. My friends have all started growing apart a bit, which happens to everyone but is still sad. These circumstances do end up making me feel a little lost, but I believe I can find my way to the life I want.
The Divergent series by Veronica Roth has been growing in popularity, especially with the upcoming release of a film based on the first book. The books show how divided and f-ed up society could get when certain people are put in power and decide how a population should live. One of the events that the characters experience is a simulation of their fears. They are forced to virtually face their biggest fears and are judged by how many they have. If I was faced with a room full of spiders, I may be forced to let them crawl on me and that may make me realize (after a good amount of screaming and flailing) that they are not going to eat me or crawl into my brain and lay eggs. Of all the brutal training they are put through, this is the one thing that I wish was real. I'm a huge believer in facing your fears, trying to overcome them, and not letting them rule your life.
In The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, he writes, "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself." The realization that I've come to is that your fears cannot rule your life and keep you from experiences. For too long I've let "what ifs" stop me from fully enjoying life. But I believe that people should try harder to live by Eleanor Roosevelt's advice: "Do one thing every day that scares you." Having the courage to live life to the fullest in spite of your fears is, in my opinion, one of the bravest things a person can do.
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